It’s Just Not Fair…

And I don’t mean the whole money situation, or the fibromyalgia.  I mean all the “other” problems I’ve had since I started going to the doctor.  Hey!  Wait a minute…I was never sick BEFORE I went to the doctor regularly…hmmmmm.

No seriously, I need to see the physician, but I’ve been having other ailments that aren’t part of fibro: shingles, an infection in my jaw, a twisted ankle and now I’m fighting the sinus infection from hell.  Not too be too gross about it, but the post nasal drip goes into my stomach and makes me nauseous.  And I’m back to taking 4-6 hour naps each day.  I realize that fibro makes me more susceptible to other things (and yes, even the twisted ankle because I wobble when I walk, which is why I use a cane.  My that was alliterative.) but it just doesn’t seem right, somehow, that I should have all these other things piled on top of the fibro.  It’s not “them” instead of the fibro,  oh no, it’s all added up together.  Sigh.  I’m so sicked and tired of being sick and tired.

Money continues to be … notably absent.  No word yet from the absence management company about my long term disability claim, whether it was accepted and if there will (please, whatever gods are listening) be a benefits check in the mailbox today.  The fact that if approved, the first check will include back pay does NOT reassure my creditors who want their money…er….NOW.  And yes, I thank all the gods that we have friends who keep us in food.  We will not starve.  At least not right away.  We’re pretty well stocked and not down to the truly creative meal planning that canned goods and rice require yet.  We still have fresh produce, we still have fresh milk–and there’s still meat in the freezer.  Good for food.

We are talking bankruptcy because there are back medical and other bills that if we use some of the money that will be coming to try to pay them off, we will never get out of this financial hole.  Beloved’s loan and credit card are on abeyance, as that insurance benefit has been approved.  (We pay for insurance on our cards/his loan in the event of … oh yeah, what has happened, happens and it will remove about $400 of “negative cash flow” from our budget, at least for a year.  Ditto my school loan, which has also been deferred.)

No word from the Social Security Administration, but I didn’t think we would hear this fast.  (I can hope, can’t I?)  If my long term disability is not approved, or isn’t approved soon…well, I don’t want to think about it.  I also need to talk with my landlord to find out if the apartment complex will accept  VA housing vouchers for rent.  I am eligible (a veteran, a FEMALE veteran, about to become homeless) so hopefully the VA will indeed give them to me–but no point in asking if I cannot use them for my housing.  If the landlord says yes, it means a trip up into DC as the VA in VA don’t have any more vouchers to give out, per “my source” who suggested going to DC.  Yay, another day where we drive somewhere (and then catch the metro because neither of us is going to actually DRIVE in DC) and spend the day in waiting rooms and talking to people about how pathetic we are.

We spent a couple of hours in the pool yesterday, last day of the season for it to be open.  Hopefully all the money shit will work out well because we feel that the cost of a membership to the local indoor pool is worth it for both of us.  (And hopefully that membership won’t be too expensive, or maybe we can get some sort of a break because we’re poor and on disability and I’m a vet and whatever else it takes to get the discount…)  I don’t know how much it’s helping me, but Beloved is actually regaining some muscle tone,  since he has to keep moving or drown.  If nothing else, it removes gravity from our bodies and bones for a while–although climbing the stairs to get back out is a bit of a struggle sometimes.

The kitchen remains my bete noir.  There’s too much that requires hand washing (due to the inefficiencies of the old dishwasher) and I just feel overwhelmed.  On the other hand, with our friend here this past weekend, we did a lot more cooking.  That’s a start in the right direction.  And we have been introduced to canary (or canari) melon–cut it up the same as you would a cantaloupe or honeydew–but then, drip lime juice on it.  I can’t explain what a difference that makes, but it does and it’s amazing!

Beloved has gone to run the errands we normally do together on Tuesdays because I am just not up to a day in the car today and then ANOTHER day in the car tomorrow, to go on our 2 hour (each way) expedition to his doctor.  I’m hoping he finds a nice check in the mail.  Rent is due (again.  Another month gone already?) and so he’ll do the money-shuffling, getting some from Dad, put it all in the right account so I can make out the check to give the landlord.

Nothing much else going on and I’m tiring of typing…so that’s it for now.


One thought on “It’s Just Not Fair…

  1. I feel you, sister. I have been unemployed since March (still in shock about that as I have never not worked for 31 years), have osteoarthritis in both knees and now both feet. I am looking everyday for jobs (I do currently have unemployment, thank the goddess!) but there are just some that I cannot even consider because I just can’t stand or walk for long periods. I do believe that better days are on the horizon, but it’s really hard as hell right now to not just curl up in my cacoon and make it all go away. Better things for all of us to come, I pray!

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